Nathan sometimes gets in these horrible emotional moods complete with temper tantrums, screaming, throwing stuff etc...
Then he will turn around and be the sweetest, funnest kid ever. I believe that he is going to be the coolest kid ever.
Just today - I had Brandon, Maggie, and John over today - they wanted to bust out the old Nintendo and play a few games.... Well like most nintendo games you have to blow in it to make the game work. Nathan saw Brandon blow in a game a few times - then picked up another Nintendo Cartridge and began blowing into the game.... that is how cool my son is....
Believe it or not - I do work a lot - between work at the church, side work, etc I find myself getting busier and busier. Nathan will catch me getting ready to go to work/a gig and yell "Car Seat" - which is Nathan's way of telling me that he wants to go with me. Sometimes when I leave the house to go do a gig the last thing I see is Nathan looking at me through the glass in our front door.
and it kills me every time.
I wonder what is he thinking at that moment?
Where is daddy going? Why is he leaving me? When is he coming back? Am I really that unimportant?
I know that little kids emotions are less complex then grown ups but it does make you wonder.
I have to work to make things happen - I love my work - I love what I do - I strongly believe that God has me here to do the tech work that I do everyday at New Life, random churches, venues, etc...
Sometimes I hate leaving the house to do the things that I love doing. The questions that are running through my mind as I am departing from the coldesack that we live on is:
Where am I going? Why am I leaving my family again? When will I see them again? Do they know that they are important to me?
3 comments:
James,
Your a wonderful dad. Nathan and Garrett are very lucky to have you as their dad.
You work hard to support your family and you love what you do. That isn't wrong. It's a blessing. Your always so excited after gigs, most people who hate their jobs aren't.
Nathan is to young to understand the concept of a job so he just misses his dad.
It's okay and don't be so hard on yourself.
Hey man, I just wanted to say even though I haven't seen you in far too long, I love you man!!!
As long as you pray about it and feel like your doing what God has in store for you then that's all that matters. I know that may be easy for someone like me to say, but that's all I've got. Keep God first and he will take care of the rest of it for you!
We need to hang out sometime and get the Saw Horse Gang back together.
I know the feeling. I have 5 children 4 of them little boys all of them 6 and under.
Be encouraged, as they get older you will be able to start taking them with you. I tell my customers that I run a family business, which means my family is involved.
This last summer we did two larger gigs and my 6 year old son helped me set up for both of them. As your sons get older they will be able to help you more and more if you train them too.
For now if you can make them feel included that will help you little boy feel like he is part of what you are doing. All little boys want to be part of what daddy is doing. Sometimes when my little boys "help" me it takes me longer to get things done. But there is almost nothing more satisfying than seeing them earning self work and helping me to provide for my family.
Be encouraged. Things will get easier as your boys get older. I started taking my older boy with me when he was about 3 or 4. It does take some getting used to on the part of daddy but it is a huge blessing.
For now be encouraged that your little boy loves you and wants to be involved with what you are doing.
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